Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
