bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
