all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
