never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
