She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
