So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
