I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
