y did u give ur computer a hand job?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
