I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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