Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
