Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
