Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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