the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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