Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
