you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
