Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
