hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
