I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
