i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
