It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
