There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
