a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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