she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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