you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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