Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you win again, gameday.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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