i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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