By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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