you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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