I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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