guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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