I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Randomize
