Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
