im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
