I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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