And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
