i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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