bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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