How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
