Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
