Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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