Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
