my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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