he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
