Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
high people should be assigned attendants
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
