i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They have beer where we have blood.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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