You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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