his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
