omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
not ubering you a puppy
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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