Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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