I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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