that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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